dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
