i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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