The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
