Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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