I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
