My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
