I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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