Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Boobs speak an international language.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
