My brain says no but my pants say off.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
