You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
