all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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