i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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