The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Too much gin, very little bucket
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
