I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
