nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
