and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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