I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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