Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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