Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
