dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
