if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
