I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
