So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
