Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I want is dick and wine.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
