You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
