is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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