yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
