I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
