I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
