just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
