conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
