Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
