you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
