I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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