at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
