Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
