she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I will pee on everything he values.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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