if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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