he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
