I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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