Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
