Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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