I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
barbara walters just said penis...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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