i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
