i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
