You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
