did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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