the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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