I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
