So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
