words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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