Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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