remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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